How People´s Feelings About Us Has 0% to Do With What We Can Create
Recently I had a coaching conversation with, let´s say... Brian.
Brian wanted to create and facilitate group gatherings and meetings. He could see himself having a great time doing that and opening space for others to connect. But, Brian felt insecure about this. He wanted to create this experience, but he always put that off for later.
We started speaking and Brian told me he thought it would be too uncomfortable to have a social interaction like that, he felt anxious to do it and took his feelings very seriously. Just like me (and I bet you too) he had thoughts such as "they will think I am crazy" or "they won´t like it", and with these thought came the feelings of tension, insecurity and then his avoidance.
He really believed these thoughts and feelings were meaningful, that they were a sign that he would be hurt in the future somehow if he would choose to follow his desire to create this group - or at the very least that people would for sure judge him negatively.
He was creating a negative scenario in his head about an imaginary future where people could make him feel bad. I am sure we all can relate to that in one way or another. Personally, I have those pretty much every day, specially when I am about to create something that I am not so familiar with it yet.
But, you see, there are 2 main flaws related to this:
First one is that imaginary futures are actually not truth, no matter how real they may feel at that moment.
We are not feeling other people, we are feeling our thinking about them. So, people cannot really make us feel bad.
1
No matter how much he imagine the creation of that group going to hell, at the end of the day he is sitting in his room on the comfort of his chair. None of that actually happened but for his thinking of it.
Our imagination of it does not mean truth. It doesn't mean it will actually be bad or that it will work perfectly either. It just states that at that moment, in that state of mind, he was day dreaming a nightmare. Fully feeling it for reals in his body, yes. True, no.
And here is also the interesting thing, he can have this negative experience at any moment, even when he is actually creating and leading that group. Because our mind is constantly active creating new 3D, multisensory experiences every single moment of our lives - some feels amazing, some feels like crap.
2
This makes possible, for example, for us to hear people's negative judgments of us whilst we feel calm and understanding. As well as to be around a person who is joyfully farting rainbows whilst we feel angry and irritated. Our feelings come from our momentary active imagination that is creating all that experience, not from the people.
Haven't you ever felt calm when people around you were chaotically stressed, or lonely within groups, or sad for "no reason"?
Doesn't that tells us anything about where our experience is coming from? Because if our experience was really coming from the outside, we would feel whatever people are feeling, 100% of the time and that is not true at all.
+ Possibility
As Brian start to see how his anxious feelings about the group is not coming from the future, but from his negative, temporary, dream-like imagination at that moment AND that whatever people will think or feel about him has nothing to do personally about him but only and 100% about their thinking in that moment...
He will have more and more a sense of possibility. An inner sense of freedom and confidence to do whatever he wants in whatever shape it appeals to him. Still feeling crappy sometimes, yes. That feeling having any meaning about how much he can or cannot create in his life, absolutely not.
Much love,
Felipe.
If you would like to explore this topic with more depth so you can start creating your dreams into reality, coaching might be a good for you. Contact me for an inquire about it.